Hello, I am back! I have been away from this blog for a while now, and I feel that I need to continue my blogging throughout the rest of these semesters. Well, wow. 2017 was an absolute rollercoaster, I am not even sure where to even begin. I can still recall this exact time last year. I had tears filled in my eyes, driving myself back up to CMU early from winter break for Nationals choreo that we were going to be learning. After an exhausting weekend, and getting the stomach flu at the men’s basketball game I was suppose to performing at, I knew at this moment that this was definitely going to be my last semester at CMU. I sobbed in my room every night for the last few days before going back up to school because I absolutely dreaded thinking about leaving home and going back to a place I couldn’t stand. Now don’t get me wrong, CMU isn’t that bad, but I was not myself at all there. I didn’t find my place when everyone says you will find away at school, I wasn’t doing well in my classes, I barely had any close friends I could trust, dance team wasn’t everything I thought it would be, and neither was LAS. I was physically and mentally over school, and the semester didn’t even start.
Throughout the year, I made decisions that I thought was going to end up a disaster, but I am so thankful that I did so. People were coming and going from my life, I was heartbroken, I felt like I was stuck in a dark hole that I was trapped inside. It felt like I had a dark cloud constantly surrounding me. I got a new job working in the Emergency Room, I went on plenty of vacations, transferring to a better school, you think my life would be going great. Well, on the inside, I was not myself. I looked in the mirror everyday, and absolutely hated what I was looking at. I was so self conscious over every stupid, little thing, and it made me hate myself for who I was just over one stupid person. I was basically a fake it till you make it person for the rest of the year.
2017 showed me how strong I really was. It showed me that life can be an absolute bitch, and the only person you can rely on is yourself. I learned so much about myself that I never really knew. My mental and physical health became so important to me. I realized that I overloaded myself with way too much, and needed to step back and focus on myself for once. I knew that God has given me this life because I am strong enough to live it. Now, I can’t wait for what 2018 brings, and I know I will find the happiness I deserve.
Here’s to 2018.